(Inspired from a true story)
Year two thousand is not only the start of new century, it also new start for gel pen market in Chennai, India. Budgeted ink pens, easy handling ball point pen and ever classic hero pen stumbled over pen market for first few years of twenty first century. A gel pen was a new symbol of royalty.
My grand pa reached home at six on a cloudy evening from his aluminum and copper vessels for house appliances business. The bliss of having the evening snack which we get from our grandparents is priceless. We were easy going kids, they can turn us off with samosas, pakodas and hot chips straight from pan. Though the middle class parents struggle a lot to get those snacks still they wanted to see the satisfying look in their kids face when we take a cute bite over the hot snack.My grandfather had a big carrier attached to his bigger Hercules bicycle. I felt like riding a vintage Royal Enfield in half pedal whenever I took a single round nearby my house. The pillar brand dynamo attached to the rim of the bicycle. The scratchy sound it produces was not high efficient than the light it produces. Oiling up the vehicle at the evening was the mandatory task for my grandpa. My mom returns from garments, in late nineties most of the single mother’s savior is garment companies and tailor shops. My mom was not an exception; her childhood hobby turned into a profession. Every penny she spends is calculated though she never minds spending for us. She wanted to take care of us without any disappointments and we were happy with little snacks and energetic games with friends. May be two thousands was the last few years where kids found in playgrounds.It was a rainy day and my grandma was preparing batter for bonda (Indian snack). I and my brother can feel chill over the thin wooden door and steel latch in the rented house. I felt this is the correct time for the topic. I have slowly started my conversation with mom. Explaining how gel pen was used in school and how it can improve my hand writing. Spoiler alert! Till date my hand writing never improved. It was just a wish to use gel pen since none of my friends were ready to lend. Educating me in a matriculation itself was a bigger burden for my mother and she realized where I am heading to. She immediately asked me “How much the pen costs?” and I answered with lot of hesitation that “Twenty rupees”. “What?” She turned towards me and asked in high tone. I was scared and it shut me up. I tried to say it but all I can pull out from mouth is breath. I again said it is twenty rupees. She asked if I needed a new pen, I didn’t have any answer but managed to say it is good for hand writing and it can get me more marks. My mom didn’t seem like buying it. I started a small strike over dinner but it didn’t last for long time. It ended up when my mom gave a second slap on the cheeks. With all teary eyes, I have completed my dinner which tasted salty with my own tears. My mom tucked me and my brother in bed. I was tired by crying for an hour and disappointed as it was not making any difference.My grandparents were convincing my mom to get me a gel pen. “What is he going to do with the gel pen? Let him write with the ink pen. It ain’t going to change his hand writing. He should know how much struggle we are facing to live. But instead he wanted some stupid pen to match with his rich friends” my mom furiously flushed out her frustration. When I closed my eyes I had a little hope that my grandpa is going to give me twenty rupees because the scene was intense. My grandpa was a tough man but if I break down, he is just melting Himalayas.Next morning, my mom woke me up but I gave a shrug with my shoulder and rushed to bathroom. I got ready and while having breakfast I had a thought to create another scene but my cheeks were not ready. All I was thinking is how to convince my grandpa but I forgot to realize my mom was sitting in front of me and staring. When I came back to senses I bowed my head. My mom lifted up my chin and asked me to look. Yes, I am a stubborn kid, I didn’t look for few seconds but of course I could sense her stare by not even looking at her. I faced my mom and she showed me twenty rupees and asked me to get the pen.I rushed to nearby shop, few youngsters were smoking. Yes, very few. Back then smoking is a factor that can make you a single forever. The shop keeper said he didn’t have a gel pen. I had to wait till I reach school. In my school there was a small shop for stationery items. Mostly it will be rush at exam times. Still I reached school soon and waited like a hopeless friend zoned boy. At last the shop keeper came when I was sitting in the stairs and mesmerizing how the pen is going to feel in my hands. All of a sudden group of students surrounded him like a cine star. Well I am the one in first row. He gave me the “Add Gel” pen. He asked me to test and only return policy he had was no return. I took the test pad and bit paper. I slid the pen to draw the symbolic representation of lord Ganesha. My mom advised me to do this as a first thing after we bought a pen. It felt so grip since I was used to plastic made ink pens. I can slide it in all ways effortlessly. It was silky and I was worried that gel pen has capability of losing its ink soon so I thought to keep it as a precious one. I had placed it in my pant pocket and checked it for every few seconds. Since it was raining previous night there was water stagnant between old building and new building of the school. I had to go to new building for exam. After few steps it started to rain and we ran like sprinters towards the new building and we gave Olympics winning long jump over the water stagnant. The first thing I did after the jump was checking my pocket. I couldn’t feel anything in it. As I frightened I lost my pen, no, the gel pen. My face turned pale and I turned around as I was hoping it would have dropped in between the old building and the new building. Without bothering about the rain I started to search the pen all the way to old building. I drenched a lot and there was a P.E teacher screaming my name. In no time he reached me to drag me to the old building and started to beat for drenching in rain and playing in stagnant water. That is what he noticed; he couldn’t recognize my tears in my rainwater dripping wet face.I had lot of pressure going on at the moment. How am I going to answer my mom and I didn’t bring another pen for exam. First of all I lost my dream pen before using it. I couldn’t scream but I was way broken inside. All hard earned money which my mom gave, probably she could have cut down her tea cost for a week. I have wasted her money in seconds, without even using it for a day. I was devastated and didn’t have any heart to write the exam. All my friends were puzzled seeing me dull and mute.I have borrowed a pen from my friend and scribbled something to get pass in the exam and came out as first person from the hall. I was just 12 years old, 7th standard kid. All the way back to home I was speed walking. I was calm till my mom came. My grandfather tried his best with soft words and grandma with snacks but it didn’t help. I felt my saliva is heavy in throat and hard to swallow. I was so worried on how I was going to face my mom. And the iron lady stepped into home. I don’t know where the energy came and what made me to do this. When I realized what had happened I was hugging my mom and crying like a wimpy kid, loud and ugly. I could sense her saree got wet with my tears and it felt chill in my cheeks. I didn’t leave her for few minutes. She was so worried and made me sit down and asked what had happened. I gained all my energy just to cry again. I didn’t say anything for another five minutes. She then asked me softly about the incident and I told how I lost the pen. My mom questioned me how I did my exam. With spatting out saliva and trying to control the trembling lips I said “I was worried so didn’t do well but I will pass”. My mom said not to worry and that was not my mistake. It had happened and I have to be careful hence forth. She also promised me she will get me a gel pen but I didn’t feel like getting one. The money I spent on pen felt heavy and it was pressuring me as a kid. I had spent the entire night in my mom’s lap and worried about how careless I was.A middle class dream is always not affordable and it takes lot from us to fulfill the wishes even the small wishes like gel pen, sketch pen, notebooks. I revisit my past every time I donate notebooks, pencils, eraser and the gel pen to the students.
